It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Is it penis luge time yet?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
