Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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