Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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