Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
