Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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