Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
