chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
