i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
