So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
