My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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