theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
