I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Randomize
