Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I will pee on everything he values.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
