the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
