i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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