she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
