Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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