I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
