I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize