all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
