just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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