4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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