There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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