butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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