so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
