I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
