you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize