Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
