Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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