: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
