there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
