If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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