that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize