I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
