No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
