I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
