Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize