Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
