I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
