im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Randomize
