I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
When are your genitals available?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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