Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
