there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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