atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize