I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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