omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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