you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
