Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
