coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
