just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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