oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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