I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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