When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
