That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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