We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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