You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
