What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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