Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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