She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
