I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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