he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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