I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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