i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
