He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
