Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
