Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it's like iHOP with fire
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
