i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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