I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
