1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
