Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
