worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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