took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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